To sleep, perchance to dream. Or just keep waking up.....

Sleep. It's a beautiful thing. And one of my hobbies, I'd like to think.


When I was a newborn, my mom never got any sleep. She likes to tell me that until I was 8 months old, I never slept more than 2 hours at a time. My Dove says it was pay-back because my mom didn't ever let her sleep. I tremble in fear at the idea of my own children. There's going to be hell to pay for me!

When I was in high school, I slept the sleep of the dead. My mom has always been a night owl. She would actually vacuum my room at midnight and I would never even wake up. The scarier part is that I also apparently talk in my sleep. Not just random babbling, but rather answers to questions! I've often wondered what things I've said when I thought I was safely sleeping.....

When I finally bought my own house, I no longer sleep well. Living alone (sorry Lali, you don't count as a roommate) makes your senses much more heightened. Case in point- a few weeks ago, I am soundly asleep, Lali curled up at the foot of the bed. As an aside, I'm sure the bell on her collar adds to my lack of sleep. Anyhoo- I wake up to the sound of something. I wander all over my house, looking in every corner. I am calling out to the possible intruder that I will soundly kick their ass if they mess with me (yes, the alarm was set. And no, it had not gone off to register a break-in. It was 2 am, leave me alone). Turns out something had fallen in my shower. But by that point, I couldn't fall back asleep. Damn suction-cupped razor holder.

Another night, I woke up at 3 am to the sound of shattering glass. Convinced that an intruder had broken a window to get into my house (again, alarm had NOT gone off), I wandered around my house for a few minutes. Then I saw it. The doors to my wet-bar were slightly open. That's odd. They stay closed at all times. I open to doors to discover that one of my glass shelves has fallen, and the casualties were frightening. Wine glasses, gone. Antique tea cups from my Grammy, shattered. I sat on the floor and cried for about 15 minutes. After that, I got to work. Fortunately, my two favorite tea cups had managed to survive the disaster. By the time I finished cleaning up, I just decided to begin my day.

The best was the night that one of my neighbors decided that 2 am was a GREAT time to hammer her walls. You heard me, HAMMER. She lives 3 doors down from me, yet I had no problem waking up to her noises. At first I thought it was contractors on the under-construction house next door. I know, because 2 am is when most contractors work. But no- it was crazy neighbor. I feel like ear-plugs would help me out a lot. But then how would I hear my alarm for work in the mornings?

Bankruptcy attorney, through and through

I've come to the realization that, while I might not be the best bankruptcy attorney on the planet, I have become a bankruptcy attorney. Being surrounded by people who actually understand the frequently confusing world of bankruptcy every day at work is certainly a part of it. Dating a fellow bankruptcy attorney also doesn't hurt. But it hit me last night that I am, in fact, a bankruptcy attorney.

I was over at a friend's house for our annual Christmas get-together. There were 5 of us in attendance. I started telling a work story (namely because it is an amazingly horrible story and was not about any of my clients.) The story (Reader's Digest version) went as follows:

Apparently one day at meeting of creditors, the trustee knew that one debtor was going to lie under oath. The trustee repeatedly reiterated that it was perjury. That debtor lied. The next couple, however, had apparently had the crap scared out of them. When asked about the children he was supporting, he told the trustee he had 4 children. His wife responded that they had 3 children. Turns out that for 10 years of their 13 year marriage, he'd been paying child support for some child the wife didn't even know about.

One of my friends looked at me and said, "Jane, there are about 8 words in there that I have no idea what they meant."

Man, I've been doing this for too long already!

'Tis the season.....

For parties, engagements and the like. Which I love. Christmas seems to be a time for, at least when you overlook the maddening commercialization of the season, love. And that's the part of Christmas I love.



But what I don't love, and what is one of my biggest pet peeves, is children at adult parties. If the invitation says "Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bob" and there is no mention of Little Sally Sue, Billy Bob or family, do not, I repeat, DO NOT bring your child along to the event. This goes double if we are talking about a wedding. It seems that at least one wedding a year, someone brings their infant and the child screams during the entire ceremony. And the parents, for some inexplicable reason, decide that they don't want to miss the ceremony so it won't bother anyone if they just sit in the church with the screaming child. Don't get me wrong, I adore children. But not when I am trying to listen to my friends say their vows. As an aside, please turn off your cell phone before entering the church for a wedding. Because if it's not a child crying, it's a cell phone ringing to disturb a ceremony. Also, when the hosts tell you that their child will not be in attendance, that is a clear sign to you, the parent, that your child is NOT invited. Of course, maybe I say all this without a clear understanding of what it means to be a parent. Perhaps when I am a parent, I will take my child everywhere. But I will say this, my wonderful parentals did not take me to cocktail parties and the like if I was not included on the invitation. After all, you never can tell what type of party you might be subjecting your child to.....



Another thing that annoys me at Christmas time (and throughout the year if I'm being honest. Which I'm trying to be on this blog) is strollers in tight places. Examples- the fair, the mall. I get that you don't want to have to carry your child around. And that strollers are EXCELLENT for carrying your gift buying haul. But as someone who has neither child NOR stroller, I really don't like it when I can't walk around without bumping into a stroller. Or when you decide that your 3 year old should get to push the stroller and they keep pushing it into me. Here's my biggest question, and perhaps it shows the world that I don't have kids, but why do you want to bring your too young to enjoy it child to the fair? And how do you manage to effectively do your shopping when you have a screaming 2 year old? I'm just saying....

I will say this though. At the appropriate time and place, nothing is more fun that a child at Christmas time. This year, Junior League had PJ's with Santa at the Holiday Market. And those kids, in their adorable jammies and with the joy of Santa on their faces, could not have been cuter. And COMPLETELY appropriate!!

Christmas shopping

First- let me put it out there that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's got cool(ish) weather, great food and family time. Without presents. What? NotSoPlainJane hates presents? I can't believe it. Oh beloved readers, you couldn't be more wrong. I ADORE prezzies. The more the merrier. However, I hate Christmas presents. I am much more of a "I found this, thought of you and want to give it to you now" present-giver. Which means I never have presents to give to people on their birthdays or Christmas. Because I gave the perfect gift yesterday. The thing I truly loathe and detest the most each year is Christmas shopping. The malls, the sales, the traffic. All of it. It's just too much. And all of this is to celebrate the birth of Our Lord. It boggles the brain.

That being said, I am usually pretty johnny-on-the-spot with my Christmas shopping. Last year, I was purchased and wrapped about a month before Christmas. I was a rock star. This year has been an entirely different story. I still have 4 more gifts to purchase. Fortunately, I know what to buy for all but one. It's just a matter of getting it done. Dang it. Where is my personal assistant to get all of this done for me?

So I've made an executive decision. Next year, I am going to give everyone BK bucks. You've seen those commercials, right? Or I'm going to buy everyone a star. Simple. Easy. Ridiculously cheesy. Hey- I'm known to be lazy when the holidays roll around. I decorated. I put Christmas tunes on the iPod. What more do you want from me?!

So I know I've been a little MIA lately......

I realize that all of my adoring fans have been waiting with bated breath for a blog update. I'm going to simply delude myself into thinking there are hundreds of you. It makes me feel better about myself. It's the little things folks. Don't try to tell me that it's not true.

I'd love to say that I have been off doing great things in the time I've not been writing. If it makes YOU feel better, then I've been off saving the world and giving cat toys to homeless pets. No seriously- I've really just been lacking in creative inspiration lately. Is it because I haven't been doing anything fun since my last post? Not really. I've been having a lot of fun lately. I went to visit my "baby" cousin (who just turned 27) up in New York. Other than one day of rain, the weather was perfect. And we had so much fun, even just sitting in her apartment watching "Willow" and "Return to Oz." If you had to IMDB those movies, you are so not cool. They are classic staples. Classic my friends. I'm thinking I definitely need to add them to my DVD collection. Nothing beats Val Kilmer as Madmardigan or a flying chaise lounge Gump. My only complaint- not enough Toto in "Oz."

I've been attending quite a few gatherings/parties. I both love and loathe the holiday season. Parties are fun, until you realize you've got too many to attend. I've been to a turkey fry, where I provided a nice homemade mac and cheese. Yes, I can cook. Quite well. Don't judge until you've tried it. And after you've tried it, you will love me more. I've also attended my god-dog's 5th birthday party. Nothing says happy birthday Pig like cupcakes and champagne. As if I didn't love her enough already, she has good eats at her party!! Sadly, I didn't get to take a doggie cupcake home for my girl. I didn't think she'd enjoy it all too much. Being a cat and all. Next up, the Junior League Holiday Market Preview Party. The band was the Mighty Kicks and I am pretty sure I have NEVER seen that many people on the dance floor. Actually, I am pretty sure I've never been on the dance floor. It was great. The next best part, after seeing everyone all prettied up, was the champagne cocktail. I will do anything for champagne. There, I've said it. And there are multiple Christmas parties on the list for the next few weeks. My social calender fills up quickly people. I'm a very important person!

I ordered (and am about to return) P90X. After getting all of the stuff in the mail, I'm not to sure it's the right thing for me. Perhaps it's back to the Y. With my wack-a-doodle schedule, I can definitely manage to make it in there when there aren't a lot of people around. I hate going to the gym when it's busy. They've also got some pretty interesting sounding classes. That might be just the thing to get me motivated enough to get some exercise in weekly. That and perhaps all of my beloved fans holding me to it.....

What it all boils down to is, I've been a very busy girl (or at least I like to pretend like I am) and a very uncreative girl lately. I'm going to try to do a little better now. I promise.