Pet peeve #1, part B

Okay, so I know I've already blogged about how much I hate other drivers. But every time I drive on I-26, I hate other drivers even more.



Over the last 9 months, I've spent a lot of time driving on I-26. I've gone to Charleston, Greenville, and, most recently, Spartanburg. Pretty much once a week for the past 9 months. And I swear to you, drivers on that particular highway are the worst. Maybe not on the planet (because I haven't driven on EVERY highway). But they might very well be some of the worst in the state.



Every time I get on I-26, I get stuck behind people driving under the speed limit. I know that I am a pretty speedy driver. I usually go about 15 over the speed limit. But seriously, if you aren't going to at least drive the speed limit, please get out of the fast lane. And if you are an 18-wheeler, do not, I repeat, DO NOT drive in the fast lane. That is for passing purposes only. Okay, passing and fast driving. If you aren't doing either, get the heck out of my way. No seriously, I will give you dirty looks once I can pass you.


And while we are at it, please actually get into the intersection if you are going to make a left-hand turn. Nothing pisses me off more than missing a light because the person in front of me refuses to edge their way out into the intersection so they can make it through the light. That has been happening to me a lot lately and I end up not happy, waiting for the next light. Which inevitably is a LONG wait. I'm not sure why.


In conclusion, if you see me coming, just get out of the way. It's my roadway. I bought it all when I got a car!

Clients- every attorney's dream?

I was a prosecutor with the county for quite a few years. I started working at the Solicitor's Office during my senior year of college and just never seemed to leave. In fact, I never saw myself leaving. I wondered why in the world people would want to go out into the private sector. Who would have thought I'd end up there myself?! And doing something that is SO 180 degrees different than criminal prosecution?!


One thing I always wondered about was why people complained about their clients. My thought was really, they can't be THAT difficult. Oh, young and innocent Jane. They CAN be. What gets me the most is that some clients can be so unappreciative. Yes, I understand that you are paying me to represent you. But seriously, I'm a lawyer, not a magician. If you mess up, there are times I can't fix it. Unfortunately, the law actually ties my hands sometimes. And when the statutes tell me I can't do something and there's case law to back it up, sorry client, you are out of luck. Currently, I'm the one trying to help you out. And while we are at it, don't take out your frustration on the paralegals either. You might not believe it, but they too are trying to help you out. Along with our HUNDREDS of other clients. But seriously- when you do stupid crap, you are only hurting yourself. Of course, to some degree, this feeling applied to my cases at the Solicitor's Office that involved victims. I mean, when you allow a person you don't know to "spend the night" at your house, don't get mad at me when they steal your sterling silver!!


I could write page after page on my crazy clients (or my former crazy victims). But I'll refrain. I have been hung up on, cussing at and yelled at. To the point that I've wanted to cry. But sometimes, every once in a while, I get to help someone who truly appreciates me and our office. Having a client cry tears of relief or give you a hug because you are helping them save their home is a feeling you just can't put into words. And I have to say, that makes up for all the other crap.

Historical, hysterical, whatever.....

In eighth grade, my South Carolina history teacher was Mrs. Sabo. Mrs. Sabo was awesome. The woman had done it all. She was offered multiple camels in exchange for her hand in marriage in Egypt. She went on a date to a rodeo with Elvis about 2 weeks before he became famous. She said he was a boring date. She was quite a little bit nutty as well, but in such a fun way. Any of you Hammond kids know what I'm talking about!

Back to the point of the story- she offered an extra credit option for us over Christmas break. That extra credit option was to find historical markers. If we found 20, we got some sort of extra credit. She informed us that there was a book out there that listed all of the historical markers in the state. She also informed us that we were not allowed to simply purchase the book and write them down. We had to go find them. The parentals and I, being the nerds that we are, took this as a challenge. The book was purchased. I was never allowed to look at what the markers said. Mom used the book simply to find where the markers were located. You have NO IDEA how many there are in this state. To this day, Mom has the book in her car and if we pass one we've never seen before, we mark it down. Yep- nerds to the core.

Anyway, we travel a lot to see family during the holidays. So side trips were made to find any and all historical markers in the area. My favorite was when we were near Orangeburg. The book told us the general vicinity, but we couldn't find the darn thing to save our lives. There was someone walking down the road where this alleged historical marker was located. We asked said person where the marker might be found. Said person responded, "You looking for that hysterical marker? It's just down the road. That hysterical marker's been there for years." Yep- hysterical marker. We still call it that.

By the end of Christmas break, I was ready to turn in my extra credit option. I didn't have 20 markers listed. I had over 100. I got so damn much extra credit, I think I aced every test for the rest of the year. Without even having to try! Ah- the joys of private school!

Old age is a bitch!

With my birthday coming up in less than a month, I have come to the recent conclusion that I am simply getting old. Or at least, my body is.



I tore ligaments in my ankle my senior year of high school. It was brutal. Right in the middle of a cheer during a football game. And it put me in a cast for about a month. Thereby ruining homecoming week for me. Three years ago, I sprained it by stepping off the curb wrong. No, I wasn't drunk. And no, I wasn't in heels. I was wearing flip flops and going to lunch! A year later, I resprained it running through the Charlotte airport. Again, no, I wasn't drunk or wearing heels. I was in my Danskos. I tend to NOT injury myself in my super high heels.... Anyway, I frequently find my poor ankle has a dull ache going on. Like when the weather changes. I know. Sad.



A few years ago, I started having knee problems. Diagnosis- chondromalacia. Feel free to look that crap up. Irony- it is called runner's knee. Which I don't do. At all. I did physical therapy on it. Still, my knee hurts quite frequently. Again, usually when the weather changes. It's also the reason I don't work out so much anymore. That's what got my knee hurting in the first place. And there's nothing sexy about having to wear a knee brace AND an ankle brace just so you can get some exercise in.



But here's the kicker. Last week, I woke up with back spasms. Today I woke up feeling achy. My immediate answer to these problems? Grab my heating pad and slap it on the ache. Yep- I own a heating pad. Actually, I own two. That's just because I thought I'd lost the first one so I bought a new (and even better) one. It works like a dream. But I'm just hoping that the next thing I start grabbing isn't a hot water bottle. Or some sort of chest rub. Or one of my 50 cats. When that happens, people I beg of you, take me out of my misery!

These are a few of my favorite things...

So this weekend, I was in Myrtle Beach for a work conference. Huge hotel rooms all to myself ALWAYS make me happy. We went out Friday night (of course we did- I was with work people! We love to go out). However, as an aforementioned blog stated, I am off the sauce. So I was out til 1:30 am and I was sober! It meant I didn't get a lot of sleep, so decided to bail on classes Saturday afternoon and get a nap in. Upon awakening I realized naps might be one of my favorite things in the world. Which made me start thinking about some of my other favorite things in the world.



Champagne (even though I'm off the sauce)



Brie (baked, melted, a nice chunk of it, pretty much any way it's offered)



Big glass showers in hotel rooms



Fireplaces



The smell of beach breezes



Dove's spaghetti



The smell of Mom's bread (even though I don't really like to eat it)



My best friend from high school's perfume (Tea Rose)



Brand new books



Chai tea from Starbucks



My blanket from Laura Ashley



Stargazer lilies



Chocolate



The smell of babies



Cherry Coke



Kissing



The clothing that goes along with cold weather



My Louis Vuitton



TiVo



My family



Reality TV (especially if it involves singing, dancing or modeling)


Dark hair and blue eyes


Gossip magazines


I have a feeling Julie Andrews/Maria von Trapp wouldn't be all that thrilled with some of the items on my list. But they do make me happy!

Get thee to a nunnery!

For those of you who knew me in high school, you will probably remember that I was pretty much boyfriendless for darn near my entire high school career. For those of you who knew me post-high school, you might be a little shocked by that revelation. However, I had a plan back then. And I'm going to share it with y'all now (and invite anyone to join!).

I'm going to start a non-denominational convent. We will, just like nuns, be the Brides of Christ. However, we can go out on dates with boys. We just can't ever marry them. Our "habits" will not be ugly black dresses with wimples. Instead, something sexy. Like jeans and halter tops. Or sundresses. Or the above modelled ensemble. We won't have names like Sister Mary Katherine. But instead, names like Sister Good Time or Sister Sexy Pants. We will all get donations and buy a really cool house somewhere like the Hamptons or Miami or the Caribbean. Where we can have our "nunnery" in peace and quiet. Or craziness. Whichever.

Feel free to submit an application to join my convent. Basically name, photo and agreement that you don't plan on marrying as long as you are in the convent. After all, Father Cutee left the priesthood to get married. I won't judge if you leave my convent. Mock you incessantly, but never judge! Please don't get offended by this post- I am in no way trying to be sacrilegious. Not at all!

Breaking up is hard to do......

Dear Alcohol-

I think the time has come for us to end our tumultuous relationship. We've been together a long time. We've had some good times. We've had some bad times. We've had some times I don't remember (although thank goodness, not too many of those). You've helped me through tough times in my life. And you've made some good times even better (or worse, it depends...)

Anyway, I've been noticing that lately, you've really been giving me a headache. At first, I thought it was just that I'm not 21 anymore and can't recover as well. Then I decided to test you out. I had half a beer last night. And woke up with a headache this morning. Damn you, Alcohol. You've done me wrong again.

So for now, we're going to have to take a little break from each other. Maybe, at some point in the future, we can try again to make our relationship work. I'm not saying that I never see us spending time together ever again. But for now, all good things must come to an end. And this time, it's not me. It's you.

Love, Jane

M-I-C- see ya real soon!

I've frequently been compared to a teen aged girl. It has nothing to do with my youthful looks and everything to do with my music/TV/movie choices. I'll spend an afternoon watching the Disney Channel and think nothing of it. Of course, it does give me something to talk to My Favorite Person in the World about. She's a HUGE Disney fan. Definitely makes me a cool cousin. I have no problem singing along to Hannah Montana or High School Musical. Or discussing why I actually prefer Selena Gomez to Miley Cyrus.

I remember when Disney Channel was a station you had to pay extra for. Would the parentals spring for it for their angel? Nope. I know you people think I'm spoiled because I am an only child. But I was denied things. I was! But every year Disney would do a few free weekends. And I lived for those weekends! MMC, Avonlea, Kids Incorporated. I loved it all. And still have old episodes on tape. Yep- I said tape. As in video.

The funny thing is that sitting here watching Disney, I wonder about the appeal of the Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana, those Sprouse twins. Then I remember what I used to love as a kid. New Kids (although they are STILL hot), the MMC guys, Tiffany. And I'm sure there were women in their 30's who wondered what I saw in the popular acts of the 80's and 90's. After all, it's not every act that I wonder about. Just that stupid Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus!

The hills are alive....

Last night and today, I've been happily ensconced on my sofa, watching "The Sound of Music." Arguably one of the best movies ever! I sing along, I laugh, I cry.

Sadly, my nerdiness takes over every time I watch a movie and I end up IMDB'ing the heck out of it. Did you know that Christopher Plummer hated filming this movie and called it "The Sound of Mucus"? Or that Liesel (who was 22 at the time) sprained her ankle during "Sixteen Going on Seventeen" and had to perform the whole scene with her ankle wrapped up? Or that the kids grew so much during the filming that they had to put them in lifts so that their height didn't change? Or that the real Maria von Trapp has a cameo in the film? Or that the von Trapp kids were mad at how their father was portrayed in the film because apparently he wasn't so stern and officer-like in real life? I know- I'm a dork. And I love knowing all of this trivia!

And nothing beats Julie Andrews. I hate that she had to have surgery on her throat, resulting in the loss of her beautiful voice. She's still one of my favorites.

But what gets me every time is that Maria, who thought she was going to be a nun, ends up married to a widower with 7 children. There is no way I could have done that! I mean, I love kids. But really- after wanting to be a nun?! Although I've never been a nanny, so maybe you fall in love with the dad when you fall in love with the kids....

Football season has begun....

I remember when I used to ADORE football season. Simply because it was football season. Now, I just like it because it means that fall is upon us and fall is my favorite season.

Growing up, I was a Clemson fan. Down to my "I'm behind the Clemson Tigers" bloomies and my cheerleading uniform. We didn't go to a lot of home games, but we always watched and we always cheered big.

Once I started school, football was a big deal at Hammond. That was what Friday night was all about. And once I hit high school, I never missed a game. That might have had a little more to do with the fact that I was a cheerleader and therefore required to attend. But that's neither here nor there.

First up for college football was Davidson, basically high school football at the collegiate level. No tailgating, no ESPN. You showed up on a Saturday afternoon, watched a little football, and then walked the 10 yards back to your dorm. Of course, sophomore year I never missed a game. Again, that might have had a lot to do with that pesky cheerleading. Yeah- I was a collegiate cheerleader. Bring it on!

Then came the transfer to USC and the realization that football in the South truly is a phenomenon unto itself. The planning that went into the tailgating. Who was going to pick everyone up so that cars could be left on National Guard Armory Road to save spots the night before? Answer- me. In the Explorer. With coolers. And 12 people. I'm not kidding. What to wear. What to fix for tailgating. This was a new experience for me and I embraced it with open arms. My blood ranneth garnet!

Law school was a whole different experience. They always say you can never go back. And they weren't lying. I figured I'd either keep tailgating with my college friends or find a new group of friends for tailgating. Neither happened. Too many law school friends couldn't have given two craps about USC football (or any college football for that matter). And the college friends had moved on to new tailgating adventures. So slowly, I went to less and less games. Still tried to hit a few each year, but not every one.

Then I graduated. And all of a sudden, I didn't have free tickets waiting for me each season. My parents tried to explain, in vain, that none of my tickets had ever truly been free. My opinion was that if I didn't have to shell out my money, it was free to me! But now that it came down to spending my hard earned money on season tickets or new shoes, shoes were going to win out every time.

The further removed I have become from being an active football attendee, the more blase I become about college football in general. I'll watch USC if they are on TV. I'll watch Clemson if they are on TV. While my family still likes to call me each year and pick on me when Clemson beats Carolina (don't hate- you all know it's true), I care less and less each year. Slowly, I am becoming Switzerland. And I think I like it that way.

I'm feeling very ShopTarty!!

Today was a very ShopTart-esque day for me. The only thing missing are going to be the accompanying photos!

I started by having lunch with my friend Nancy. The one whose wedding I was in just a few short weeks ago. Nancy and her husband live in Myrtle Beach. I know, there are actually people who LIVE in Myrtle Beach. And they are cool people! We hit up a place neither of us had ever tried before, Bistro 217. It came recommended and I'd seen the menu, so I figured why not try it out. Why not indeed! It was delish! One of the specials was a beef bourguignon, something Julia Childs is known for. I found that quite odd as I had JUST finished reading Julie and Julia (where it is mentioned numerous times) and read an article about the fact that Julia Childs' cookbook is currently at the top of the best seller list (where it is mentioned again). Anyway, Nancy and I both had the chicken sandwich special. Grilled chicken topped with portobello mushrooms and melted Brie. In case you didn't know, I am a sucker for Brie (or a whore for Brie as I told Nancy at lunch). It came with a very nice salad and sweet potato fries. Heaven, I'm in heaven. For dessert, we split the white chocolate bread pudding. On second thought, maybe I should have just gotten that for lunch! It was all very tasty and very "ladies who lunch." I will definitely be a repeat customer. Anyway, next thing we know, we've been there for nearly two hours and someone needs to get back to work. That someone was not me!

Nancy headed back to work and I hopped back in the Solora, top down, to make the 2 minute drive back to Litchfield. Solora, I've missed you. I stop at Peddlers' Porch (or whatever the name of that shoe store is) to grab some shoes for my little grandmother, Dove. She's got the world's narrowest foot and very few places sell shoes that fit her. Not only did Peddlers have some, but they were in the middle of a 75% off sale. So of course, I had to nose around for myself. At first glance, I see nothing of interest. A LOT of VanEli old lady shoes, but nothing that screams Jane- buy me! Wear me! Love me!! Then imagine my delight when I spot the Pucci wedges, the Marc Jacobs gold lame wedges, the Lily Pulitzer gold evening sandals. Sadly, none of them fit me. So while my wallet thanked me (after the brutal thrashing it got outleting (still a word people)), my heart was sad. No new shoes. But a darn good lunch! So anyone in the area, ignore Peddlers Porch but head straight to Bistro 217. As Julia would say, Bon Appetit!!

Coincidence? Or foreshadowing?

So last night Pops and I went to dinner Island Cafe and Deli. It's no Frank's, but our family likes it. The food is good and the nearby ducks like to join you for dinner. So anyway, Pops and I are sitting there, just eating away, and 2 people walk up. The man is slightly older (I'd say in his late 60's) and the woman is quite a bit younger. Pops says Second wife or daughter? I quickly respond Has to be second wife. Even though she was definitely younger, she was too well dressed. You could tell she still cared what he thought about how she looked. Then it hit me. Dear lord- people are thinking the same thing about me and Pops! Ew- gross. And sadly, story of my life.

I moved out of my apartment right before starting law school. I left my two roommates there and they found a girl to take my room. So moving day meant that I was moving out as she was moving in. A little confusing perhaps, but whatever works. At one point, she and I ended up on the elevator together. I had just met her that day, so we didn't really have a lot to talk about. Her first comment to me was It's so sweet that your boyfriend is helping you move today. I really appreciate mine for helping me. Did I mention that I didn't have a boyfriend at the time? I didn't. Oops- my bad. Who was helping me move you might ask. That'd be Pops. Yep- this little 21 year old girl thought that my little 21 year old self was dating a 51 year old man. That either says something about me or about me. Gross gross and gross. And perhaps the underlying reason why I subconsciously go for younger men.....

Working at the car-wash

Today I went outleting (yes, that's a word). I love to outlet shop. I can do some SERIOUS damage in 2 hours. I'm not even going to tell you what kind of damage I did today. Suffice it to say, I've got some great stuff for work this fall!

Anyway, I was driving back to Litchfield. Pops had asked me to get the car a bath on the way back (after our muddin' experience). So I spotted a car-wash off to the right. It was no Constan, but anything in a pinch. So I paid my $6 and drove into the machine. As I pulled out I realized that Mom's antenna with Minnie Mouse on it had been pulled off. I had to run back through the car-wash and get Minnie. Yep- you read that correctly. I RAN through the car-wash. And damned if the car-wash hadn't actually broken Minnie. I killed Minnie! And got two baths for the price of one!