Get thee to a nunnery!

For those of you who knew me in high school, you will probably remember that I was pretty much boyfriendless for darn near my entire high school career. For those of you who knew me post-high school, you might be a little shocked by that revelation. However, I had a plan back then. And I'm going to share it with y'all now (and invite anyone to join!).

I'm going to start a non-denominational convent. We will, just like nuns, be the Brides of Christ. However, we can go out on dates with boys. We just can't ever marry them. Our "habits" will not be ugly black dresses with wimples. Instead, something sexy. Like jeans and halter tops. Or sundresses. Or the above modelled ensemble. We won't have names like Sister Mary Katherine. But instead, names like Sister Good Time or Sister Sexy Pants. We will all get donations and buy a really cool house somewhere like the Hamptons or Miami or the Caribbean. Where we can have our "nunnery" in peace and quiet. Or craziness. Whichever.

Feel free to submit an application to join my convent. Basically name, photo and agreement that you don't plan on marrying as long as you are in the convent. After all, Father Cutee left the priesthood to get married. I won't judge if you leave my convent. Mock you incessantly, but never judge! Please don't get offended by this post- I am in no way trying to be sacrilegious. Not at all!