Ridin along in my automobile. My dad beside me at the wheel.

This year's family vacation is missing a big part. That would be the whole family. Pops and I headed on down to Litchfield WITHOUT Mom! Why? Because the parentals' cat is still with us. Not that I'm complaining. She really is the sweetest cat on the planet. But even the vet tech is confused that she is still trotting around the house like her toxin levels aren't enough to kill a person, let alone a 5.5 pound cat! She's a survivor, that one. Should have known it when we found her. But anyway, Mom just couldn't leave her alone yet.

So Pops and I hop in the Highlander to make the trek to the coast. To be honest, I wasn't all that excited about alone time with Pops. Probably having something to do with the fact that the last time we had alone time, it got kind of heated. Because what he says/does/believes is a little different that what I say/do/believe. So I try to keep him in the dark as much as possible. All you only child who are girls, you know what I'm talking about. It's beyond him to try to understand the difference. And it's beyond me to try to explain it....

But back to the southern trek. We aren't alone in the Highlander. With us- the Garmin.

He has a few names. Jack (if he's American), Lee (Australian), or my favorite Daniel (the Brit). We of course know the way to the beach, but decide it will be fun to let Daniel direct us and then "re-call-cu-late" (as he calls it). Mom is from Lake City, so she likes to brag that she knows all these back roads. Back roads that Daniel sent us down. The best part though is that Danny seems to know about roads I didn't even know existed! We were driving down 378 when Pops realized we'd be coming into Litchfield from the north. Does it really matter? Why yes it does. Glad you asked. Pops wanted to stop at some golf course that was south of Pawleys. Daniel- a little help here. Why sure- just turn left on Miles Road. And from there, put on your muddin' gear because we didn't drive on a paved road for the next 6 miles!! Awesome! And of course, Danny was right. We ended up on Indiantown Road (or as one street sign said Idiantown), exactly where we wanted to be.

As for the drive, well, books can distract me so well that I can pretty much ignore anyone. Even when the book was about a group of housewives who became phone sex operators in order to get rid of some debts. Oops- bad choice with Pops sitting within spitting distance!

Memories- all alone in the moonlight....

Recently, I've been doing a lot of looking back. Rehashing old memories. Both good ones and bad ones. I think it's because of the parentals' cat. When the cat you found 16 years ago is dying of kidney failure, it tends to make you look back. I remember finding Toe (she's polydactyl, meaning she has an extra toe that makes her little front paws look like mittens). She and her twin sister were found by me and my BBSHS (that'd be best friend since high school). They were the cutest freaking things ever. Her sister died a few years ago. Toe has missed her ever since. And now the vet has said, what with the tumors and the kidney failure, it's just a matter of time.

So then I started looking through old photo albums. You know, from back when people took pictures with something called film? High school. College. Law school. I started looking at them all. Then I found them. Videotapes. Yep- those old school things from before DVDs. But after Beta. The first one I watched was from the summer of 1998. The summer before my senior year of college. 4 college friends/fellow Young Life leaders and I worked at Windy Gap for a month on summer staff. For those of you who have never been to or heard of Windy Gap, it is in the mountains of North Carolina. And despite the fact that I haven't been there in YEARS, it might still be one of my most favorite places on the planet.

One of the guys on summer staff was the videographer. So one month of my life is captured on a 15 minute videotape. While a lot of my memories didn't make it to the video (I guess Jud didn't feel like following only me around for a month would be all that exciting), it's still kind of fun to see all those people who were so important to me that summer. And wonder how they are. What they are doing. If they ever pull out that video and smile.

The other video wasn't even remotely professional. It was from the summer of 2000. The summer after my first year of law school. And all we did was mess around. It's just us and our guy friends, talking and laughing and eating and being silly. I looked at my 22 year old self and sometimes wish I could go back. Back to when everything was so much simpler. I look at the girl I was then and really do wish I could live my life all over again. If given the choice, would you live any part of your life over again? And would you live it the same way? While I can honestly say that I might say some things a little differently, I honestly don't think I would DO anything differently. Every mistake, misstep and achievement I've had have led me to the woman I am today. While not everyone might like the woman I am, guess what. YOU don't have to. I do. And I do.

Life, love and passings

I don't plan on using this blog to post about my policital views. But suffice it to say, I am a Republican. Kind of a liberal one, but a Republican nonetheless. Either party viewpoint you have though, it was still sad to hear about Ted Kennedy losing his battle with brain cancer. It seems like there have been a lot of "celebrity" deaths lately. Farrah, MJ, Billy Mays, Ed McMahon. I know people die every day. Looking at the paper can tell you that much. But I don't know most of those people. Not that I knew any of those celebrities either. But I felt like I did. At least their public personas.

It's never easy to face the death of a loved one. It's something that I think about and worry about all the time because of my dad. Until my third year of law school, I was one of the few 24 year olds I knew who still had all 4 grands still alive. March of my third year, my mom's dad passed away. He was only in the hospital for a few weeks. I remember going to visit him the weekend before he died. I remember him telling me that he loved me. But most of all, I remember the AMAZING man he was. Generous to a fault, never knew an enemy, Bubba could talk to a brick wall and get its life story! Then, two months later, right during the middle of Bridge the Crap, my dad's mom died. She, on the other hand, had gone into advanced stages of dementia about a year prior to passing away. She didn't remember any of us by that point. But I do remember the last visit I had with her, when she still knew me. The nurse asked if Grammy knew who I was. She told the nurse I was her sweet, sweet girl. Something she'd always called me. I couldn't ever go to see her again. It was just too hard, which I know was very selfish of me. But I remember her for the spitfire she was. Opinionated, brilliant, she was definitely a woman to whom I would be proud to be compared. Two Marchs later, my dad's dad passed away. Too put it bluntly, he died of a broken heart. Once my grandmother passed away, Grampa just didn't have the heart to go on without her. She was the love of his life, the 10 years older than him woman who stole his heart over 50 years earlier. Grampa was my most romantic of the grands. He wrote his wife's name with a heart over the I, so in love was he. So within two short years, I went to the funerals of 3 grands. And each one was difficult.

Thinking about each of my grands who has passed away, I like to think there is a little piece of each of them that can be found in me. While I might not talk to a brick wall, I will talk to darn near anyone and definitely share a lot. Just like Bubba. I am BEYOND opinionated. And love a compliment. Just like Grammy. And I am completely the romantic that Grampa was. I wonder how much of them in me is genetics and how much is watching and admiring them.

It's been interesting to see how each grand dealt with the loss of their spouse. Dove, although she misses her husband of over 50 years dearly, is still keeping herself busy 7 years later. Grampa just couldn't do it. I've always thought that men really couldn't make it without women, especially when that woman is/was the love of their life. If they are young enough, they will remarry. They have to. Women can somehow keep going. Does that mean women really do need men like fish need bicycles? And that men need us more than even they want to admit?

Law, order and suits

I don't know if it's because I am a lawyer, but I've very picky on what lawyer shows I will watch on TV. I don't mind cop shows- I really like Cold Case, The Mentalist, and Psych. I can handle Law & Order, but only the original. That might be more for sentimental reasons though. My dad and I used to watch it a lot. And I used to date a cop, so someone once commented that we were our own episode of L&O! Which was kind of funny to me. I'm a very big fan of pro-prosecution shows though. I'm sure that has NOTHING to do with being a prosecutor for over 5 years. Or having a dad who was a prosecutor for 30 years. NOTHING at all! Oddly enough though, I kind of dig on Raising the Bar, which is not really a pro-prosecution show. But my all-time favorite lawyer show was Ally McBeal. I know, not even remotely realistic. But great all the same.

But one thing is a common thread for me. I do NOT approve of female lawyers wearing pants suits in trial. And that is something that holds true in real life. I'm very much a believer that women are just as smart and just as good as men at darn near everything. I don't think it should be a rule that women have to wear skirt suits in trial (although there was a judge who used to hold women in contempt if they didn't wear skirts in his courtroom). But for some reason, it just feels right to be in a skirt for trial. I feel more powerful in it. I feel more ladylike in it. Does that seem like the two don't mix? But I do feel it appeals to the jurors and the judge. Despite the fact that I'm not in trial anymore, I do appear in federal court, in front of a federal judge, at least twice a month. And I still wear skirt suits in "big court." Never for meetings of creditors though. Sorry trustees- y'all don't get the benefit of seeing my legs!

Did you know that men who kiss their wives every morning also live longer?

So I was reading MSN today, as I usually do each day. And one of the articles was about love being unhealthy and toxic. Being the avid reader I am, I clicked on it. How surprising to immediately start reading about our esteemed Gov and his estranged wife. The focus of the article was about how affairs can be bad for your health, but that love can actually do wonders for you. Here's what a Men's Health article had to say about why love (and marriage) is good. So all you wives (and husbands) pay attention!

1. Married men earn more money than single men. I wonder if that's the same for women? Somehow, I feel like a single woman could earn more, just by being single....

2. Married people (esp men) get promoted faster than singles.

3. You are 4 times as likely to be a victim of a violent crime if you are single. I have a feeling those stats might vary depending on the crime and your marital status however.

4. Married men have more sex. The article doesn't say that all that sex is with their wives though....

5. Never-married and divorced men have a higher mortality rate than married men, at least as far as cancer goes. So yay for my dad! He's gonna be fine.

6. Over an 8 year period, UCLA found that single people, even in good health, were 88% more likely to die. Now, they don't really specify the age of these singletons. I'd be curious if they were talking about oldies or youngins.

Other studies have shown that if a man gets divorced and doesn't remarry, there’s a 40% chance he’ll die before age 65. If he never gets a divorce, there's only a 10% chance he'll die before 65. Another showed that ending a marriage can increase a man's risk of dying of cardiovascular disease by as much as 40%.

Either way, all of this is pretty scary stuff. But simultaneously fascinating. Who would have thought that marriage really is good for you?! At least, good for your health. So all you long-time lovers out there- here's to your health!!

If I was a celebrity, it's adios reality.....

For those of you who don't know me all that well, I am OBSESSED with celebrity gossip. I've been called a walking People magazine before. I don't lie. It's kind of sad, I know. But people know who to call when they want to know who Cameron Diaz is dating or the names of Brangelina's kids. I know these things. It's Keanu Reeves. And Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Vivian and Knox. That's by age, not appearance into the family. Yep- I know these things.

Because I'm obsessed with celebs, I'm also moderately obsessed with celeb kids. I think that Suri Cruise looks too much like Katie Holmes and Chris Klein for her to be Tom's baby. That coupled with the fact that Tom and Nicole had to adopt because allegedly Tom couldn't get her pregnant. I find it astonishing that celebs don't seem to control their kids. I wonder why they name their kids horrid names like Apple, Suri, Pilot Inspektor (that'd be Jason Lee for those of you who didn't know that one).

But what I find so sad is when two pretty celebs have unfortunate looking children. Case in point- Rumor Willis. Demi Moore- one of the prettiest women around. She looks great and always has. Bruce Willis- kind of sexy, in a baldheaded way. Not everyone might agree with me, but I find him attractive. Yet poor Rumor is ouch.... Not good. And she's not the only one. Wouldn't you hate it if your parents were gorgeous and you looked like a troll? I know I would.

Music makes the people come together

Pretty much all I listen to in my car is my iPod. Yes, my car is fancy enough to have XM/Sirius Radio. And no, it's currently not being sprung for in my car payment (despite the fact that I'd really appreciate the navigation....) But I don't make those decisions and that's a whole other issue!

Anyway, I absolutely LOVE to sing while I drive. Pretty much anything will keep me happy, and my iPod reflects that. I've got everything- from rap, to country, to showtunes. I've been known to dance while I sing and drive as well. Don't worry- at least one hand (or knee) is always on the wheel!!

I keep my iPod on one of two things. Either I'm playing my list of current favorites songs (which is about 100 or so) or I have it on shuffle. Shuffle is my favorite thing to do because, let's face it, with well over 6000 songs, I've forgotten half of what I have on there. So it's frequently quite a surprise to hear random songs on the iPod. I mean, REALLY random stuff. Especially thanks to Starbucks free iTunes downloads. Those songs are wicked strange. Yes- I just said wicked. Like I'm from Boston. Don't worry- it's happened before. I blame my Yankee daddy (even though he doesn't say crap like that). Or my love for New Kids and their Bostonian accents.

But one thing I've noticed that I never noticed before. My iPod has a hella lot of songs about love, heartbreak and the like. Seriously. Do people write songs about anything else? I mean, OTHER than country musicians (who write about little else)? Just wondering. Thank goodness for rap artists. They aren't really down with love songs. Booty songs, yes. And those are always a good time (at least for a listen!)

Jane's Secret.....

As a bankruptcy attorney, I spend all day, ever day, talking about debts and creditors. What's really funny is that I don't personally have a lot of debts OR creditors. Maybe it's because the parentals raised me that if you can't pay for it immediately, you can't really pay for it. Or because I was simply blessed not to have to incur mountains of student loans. Either way, I am debt-free. Except where Victoria's Secret is concerned. That's Jane's Secret. I'm a VS-aholic!! I have a platinum card from them. Yep- you heard right. PLATINUM! That means I have the biggest line of credit they will extend and I rack it up all the time!

I know what most of you are probably thinking. How much lingerie does one single gal need? The answer- not as much as you think I'm buying! The majority of my bathing suits come from VS. Half of my work clothes come from VS. When in doubt about something I'm wearing, it's either Target or VS. I'm not kidding. However, I have been known to indulge in the occasional lingerie purchase. A few years ago, I read a story about a woman whose good friend had died. This woman went over to the friend's house to help the husband go through her belongings and found quite a few beautiful things. China, lingerie, dresses. All of it being saved for "something special." So I started thinking, why should I wait for some special reason? What if that special reason never happens? So I occasionally buy myself summin purdy to wear and feel quite special curled up in my bed with my cat. She thinks I'm beautiful, no matter what!

Bruise is defined as the extravasation of blood in the tissues as a result of blunt force impact to the body.

I have always bruised easily. Like a ripe peach one might say (if one is a little weird and creepy). Unfortunately, while I bruise easily, I don't bruise immediately. Which means that I'll run into something, comment that's going to leave a mark, and then wonder where the heck that bruise came from when it appears 2 days later. And for someone who's pretty coordinated, I run into stuff A LOT!




I had a friend in college who also ran into stuff a lot. Usually, we might not be complete sober while doing the running into, but either way, it happened. She and her high school friends called this phenomenon of running into stuff and only days later having a bruise UPBs. Unidentified Party Bruises. To this day, I still use that terminology, even if I didn't get the bruise at a party (or while intoxicated)!




Anyway, most of my bruises go away within a few days/a week. I've had this one behind my knee that just has me baffled. I think I got it in Vegas. Which was over a month ago. Right after the Vegas trip, the thing was actually black. Now, it's just a slight off-color. But it really has me confused. I swear, I wish someone lived in my house, because I could SOO say I was being abused. My legs currently look like they've gone 9 rounds with Tyson. Okay, maybe not Tyson. After all, they are bruises, not bite-marks!

Love and marriage, love and marriage

My friend Nancy got married this weekend. She was my law clerk back when I worked at the Solicitor's Office. I remember when she came back to work one Christmas break and told me she'd been dating a guy. And that guy was Louis, the man she just married this weekend!! Nancy asked me to be a reader at the wedding. I was thrilled to say yes. It meant I got to be involved with everything, but wear whatever dress I wanted!!!

The weekend began on Thursday with the Sip and See at Nancy's parents house. For those of you who don't know what a Sip and See is, it's where guests get to come "sip" some sort of tasty beverage and "see" all the gifts the happy couple has received thus far. The theme of the evening was CHAMPAGNE. Oh yeah- and looking at all of Nancy and Louis' great gifts. I had to ask if we got favors for coming to the event. If so, I kind of liked her Mottahedeh plates... Then we helped the maid of honor make Nancy's bouquet. Really, we just put bows in our hair and talked.

Next up was the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Friday. At the rehearsal dinner, the groom's parents went all out with the Clemson theme. There were Tiger Rags on each chair, embroidered with Nancy and Louis' names and wedding date. There were orange flowers everywhere. And the best part- the Clemson tiger showed up. He apparently knows how to dress for events, because he was wearing his best tuxedo. T shirt.

Everything about the evening was great. There was a super slide show about the couple. The toasts were great. All in all, a great rehearsal. Oh- did I mention the food? SOOOO tasty! B-b-que (with all 3 sauces), mac and cheese, grits, Moon-pie banana puddin. Delish!

Saturday was the busy day. First up, the bridesmaid luncheon at her aunt's house. I've decided that I would like Nancy's uncle to be my personal caterer. He made the most amazing chicken salad with lemon zest in it. Don't even think it sounds weird, people. It was one of the tastiest chicken salads I have ever eaten. And I LOVE me some chicken salad!!

I arrived at the church around 4:40ish. Just enough time to hang with the 'maids and Nancy while everyone was getting ready and enjoying mimosas. Yum. I read Genesis. About how God created woman out of man because man shouldn't be alone. Man needed a helper and woman was created for him. So that they could cling to each other and be one flesh. I know- I didn't read the LOVE passage. I really preferred the one I read. That Old Testament is good stuff. Next thing we knew, the couple were kissing and hello Mr. and Mrs. Cote!!

The reception was SOOO much fun. The band was the Men of Distinction. They are way too much fun. The fathers got up to perform a little Blues Brothers. The maids were the Supremes. The groomsmen- the Temptations. The bride was Tina Turner. And Louis got a 'fro to perform as James Brown! Everyone was dancing and singing all night long. The only snafu of the evening occurred when the horn players were laying on the dance floor performing and some woman decided that falling on top of the sax player would be a good idea. If only he hadn't just had neck surgery, it might not have been quite so bad...... But the food was delicious. And there was a complete open bar, which meant more champagne for Jane!! One of the best parts for me was signing the guest book. Because both Nancy and Louis went to Clemson for undergrad, their guest book was a book about Clemson. I was able to sign on the page about the old Tin Cans (Johnstone Dorm for those of you not in the know). That's where my uncle lived long ago when he attended Clemson, so I thought that was kind of cool that no one else signed that page before I got there. The couple left to us blowing bubbles at them (Bubbles, bubbles, my bubbles!). And the fun weekend was over. All in all, the groom looked handsome, the bride looked BEAUTIFUL, the 'maids dresses were great, and a fun time was had by all!

Congrats to the new Cotes! I'm so happy for y'all!!

Dream a little dream of me

I have always had some of the world's strangest dreams. So strange, in fact, that my college roomie gave me a Dreamer's Dictionary and notebook to write them down and figure them out. I think I freaked her out when I told her that I'd had a dream that a friend of hers named Harvey came to visit us and ended up falling asleep on the foot of my bed. Why did that freak her out? Because her family used to have a dog named Harvey who slept on the foot of the bed. And she'd never told me about this dog!

Another time, I dreamt that I was a cartoon bunny rabbit in a musical. Yep- you read that correctly. And I'm not talking some Bugs Bunny type cartoon. I mean Dreamworks quality. We sang, we danced. We stole carrots from the evil King of the Hares. Don't ask. I have no idea where this comes from.

Then there was the dream about Richard Simmons. I was helping him lead a Sweatin' to the Oldies class. Complete with thong leotard, bike shorts, and those stupid thick socks with my Reebok hightops.

Or the time I dreamt there was a tiger loose in my grandmother's house in Lake City. Somehow, we got it trapped in one of the upstairs rooms and had to climb through ceiling tiles to get out of the room. My grandmother's house is like 100 years- there ARE no ceiling tiles in her house!

This morning, I awakened from another doozie. I was in the woods, with an ex. And we were being chased by a man with a gun who was trying to kill us. I don't know what we'd done, but clearly, it was something bad. Anyway, we are running and he's chasing and the next thing I know, I'm now alone in the woods. I keep running and eventually end up in a small town. I find some police officers who I hope will help me. One of them is a former co-worker from the Solicitor's Office. She left about 3 or 4 years ago. I'm trying to get help, but I can't talk because I'm so severely dehydrated. Finally, they realize what's wrong and get me some water from the Taco Bell. As I'm basically pouring water down my throat, I wake up. And I've been thirsty all morning. Wonder what kind of thirst I'm REALLY trying to quench?!

Size 4 you say? Inconceivable!!

This morning, I was flipping through my closet for a black skirt. I've got about 6 of them, so I always have options. I grabbed one that hasn't fit in YEARS. It's a great skirt- Banana Republic, fishtail skirt, size 4. I think to myself what harm can it do to try the thing on? Imagine my complete shock when it actually fits! And is a little big on me! I haven't been a size 4 in years! Happy day, happy day! But it got me thinking about my past ventures in weight loss.


A few years ago, I joined Weight Watchers. I'm sure every single one of you who reads my blog just went "Are you nuts?! You? Weight Watchers?" Let me explain. I'd just gotten out of a very bad relationship and gained about 10 pounds before the break-up because it was just way too much drama. Long distance, didn't see each other for 6 months because he was cheating on me, yadda yadda. Anyway, I noticed that none of my clothes were fitting anymore and that made me not happy. I spend WAY too much on clothes to not be able to wear them. So off to WW I went. I didn't really go for the meetings. I'm not big on the "rah rah you can do it" aspect of weight loss. I went for the info and the weekly weigh-in. Dun dun dun.



Week one: I explain to the WW guru that I'm only there to lose about 10 pounds. Because I've realized that I don't want to wake up one day and need to lose 100. She applauds my realization that any little bit of weight that makes me unhappy is weight I need to lose. The other women give me evil glares. I get all of my info about how many points I can eat each day and then hop on the scale. This can't possibly be right. I've never weighed this much in my life! 10 pounds my butt- I need to lose 15! And so began my quite successful foray into WW. I learned all sorts of tricks for snacking throughout the day. I still would have a drink if I felt the urge. I was working out. And once I hit my goal weight, peace out WW!!



I've realized that I have always been a fan of trying (or thinking about trying) the fad diet. I tried that stupid Lemonade Diet/Cleanse that Beyonce did. I made it 2 days and promptly threw up from the cayenne pepper concoction I had to drink on a daily basis. I'll read a book about a diet and think I could do that. But I don't. The only part of dieting I actually like is being able to fit into clothes I haven't worn in years. The best diet I've ever been on though is the one that happens naturally. You know, when your appetite just fades away. I know I'm not the only one here. We've all had it happen. For whatever reason. So that size 4 skirt fitting PERFECTLY might be a silly reason to be happy, but it is what it is. Sometimes it's the little things.

"Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast, to soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak." William Congreve

I've always been musical. I would never actually call myself a musician by ANY stretch of the imagination. But I grew up dancing, playing the piano and singing constantly. Much to my chagrin, I was NOT voted Most Talented for my Senior Superlative. Still a little put out about that, but that's a whole other issue. As is my bitterness about not being voted Miss Hammond my senior year. Or co-captain of the cheerleading squad my senior year. Or the fact that they decided to do away with someone singing at graduation my senior year. Dang- I used to think senior year was pretty good. Looking back, my senior year sucked!

But back to music. I spent all 4 years of high school taking voice lessons at Columbia College. I sang show tunes, I sang hymns, I sang Italian arias. And I loved every minute of it. I knew I didn't have the voice to make a career out of it. I harbored no delusions of grandeur. But I knew that I could sing. And I did so every chance I got. Still do. I sing in the shower, I sing in the car, I sing with my mom, I sing Hannah Montana with my little cousin. Heck, I make sure to sing happy birthday to my friends, making up new songs for them as I go. One of my best friends and I have ALWAYS sung with (and sometimes at) each other.

But music goes deeper than that for me. I've always wished that I could also (to steal a line from the fabulous Mr. Manilow) write the songs that make the whole world sing. I've always dabbled in poetry. Writing when the mood strikes. But to be able to set it to music as well would be amazing. Because almost every day I find a song that truly speaks to me in that moment. I've got nearly 7000 songs on my iPod. Some of them are from my own CDs, some are free downloads from Starbucks, some are songs I've simply heard a verse of and decided I must own. But it's amazing what can be found when you are nosing around your own musical tastes. Lately, I've had one particular song on repeat. It's a song by a girl named Lucy Woodward. And it just makes me feel like I'm not the only one who feels like I feel. That right there is why I would love to write music. Because somewhere out there, there's a person who feels exactly the same way I do at exactly this moment. And I'd love to be there for them.

Mask- it's not just a Cher movie you know....

This morning, I was getting ready and watching Full House. Please, don't judge. I love me some Uncle Jesse!! Anyway, a commercial came on for the movie "A Cinderella Story." And it made me start thinking about the baffling concept of masks in movies/TV shows. Why is it that a simple mask over the eyes or glasses all of a sudden makes you unrecognizable to people who have known you for years?! Like Superman/Clark Kent. Seriously, Lois Lane didn't recognize him?! Even I have a hard time suspending my disbelief for that.

But of course, it made me think even deeper about what it was truly saying. Do we all wear masks? I think so. We definitely don't like to show everyone our true selves. We don't like for people to see our weaknesses, what defines us. But what else really defines the masks we wear? Is it when we tell people what they want to hear, even though it's not really the truth? Is it when we don't allow someone in, even though they are desperate to share our lives? Do we put on a mask only when we feel like the other person has one? Sometimes the masks we wear are good and sometimes they aren't. And amazingly, even if we're wearing a bad mask, people can't see it. Guess it just goes to show that we see what we want to see.

If you can't say something nice, come sit next to me.....

You know how Mama always said to be careful what you say about people, because SOMEONE could be listening? Or your old boss always said to be careful, because THEY are out to get you? Oh, that second one was just me. My bad.

Anyway, I've always wondered who SOMEONE and THEY are. And last night, I discovered that SOMEONE and THEY are people you already know. I was grabbing dinner and drinks with a friend, a fellow female attorney. We got to talking about work. And I mentioned one of the local judges, who has a reputation for being, well, difficult. Not everyone likes him (although darn near everyone respects him). I, on the other hand, think he is fabulous!!! Some of my most memorable experiences in the courtroom were in front of him. Not to mention he sentenced a guy to a whooping 18 years in my 2nd ever trial!! But I digress. Anyway, I ask my friend if she's ever appeared in front of him and how much I like him. About an hour later, we have made a location switch to another bar. I notice a girl I know who had been sitting at the table next to us at location number 1. She comes up to say hi and, color me floored, she is this judge's NIECE!! I'd have been mortified if she'd heard me say something horrible about him. Thank goodness I really do like and respect the man (and his funny sense of humor).

So lesson learned, Mom and former boss. Lesson learned. If you can't say something nice, say nothing. And they really are out to get you!

Pet peeve #1

I've got a lot of pet peeves. A lot of them. And I'm just going to go ahead and put my biggest one out there. I hate other drivers. There we go- I've said it. Why do I hate other drivers? Because they aren't me! I'm more than happy to acknowledge that I am not the world's best driver. But dang it- everyone else is SO much worse. Case in point. Today, I swing by the parentals' house to check on their animals. The cat's doing well and is happy to see me. The fish couldn't care less. They aren't even interested in the food. Stupid fish. I leave and head off to work. One end of the parentals' street is a swampy area. I am behind a small SUV which, without any warning whatsoever, slows to a crawl and pulls off the side of the road. Would it kill you to give me a little heads up? It would. Oh, okay. My bad. The very next street, some other driver does the exact same thing. Turns into a driveway with no turn signal. Did you know that cars now come standard with turn signals? You didn't? Okay- I'm letting you know. Feel free to use it regularly in the future. Then, driving down Millwood, there's almost a wreck in front of me because someone just up and decides to pull out into traffic. I nearly get decked by an ambulance because the cars in front of me won't move. I swear, our highways would be a safer place if I were the only one driving. Of course, I'm not sure how the rest of you would get around. But that's not really my problem, is it?!

"Love" stories?!

I love to tell stories about my life. I especially love to tell stories about my bad dating life. And every time I tell a story, people laugh hysterically and say "You should write that down." I also get a lot of "Holy crap- that really happens?!" Which made me start thinking. Now that I have a blog, I DO have a place to write down all these stories. So let's start with some of my favorites.


I'd been seeing a guy for a few months. It was long distance- like 8 hours long distance. But we were trying to make it work. We didn't see each other a lot, but we sure did burn up the phone lines. Anyway, things were starting to get a little off because neither one of us wanted to move. Kind of hard to continue a relationship when it's going nowhere. Literally. So I had already made plans to go up to visit him one weekend. Mid-week, I shoot him a text about weekend plans so I'll know what to pack. Hello- I'm a girl. I'm a "like to plan ahead and be prepared for every option with the appropriate outfit" girl. Next thing I know, I receive the following text. "I don't think you should come up this weekend. I don't have feeling 4 u." To be forever stated as "I don't have feelings number 4 letter u" by me. Yep- I just one-upped Carrie Bradshaw. Screw the Post-It. I got dumped via text speak!! He couldn't even spell it out or do it in a phone call!! Oddly enough, we remained friends (sometimes it's just better that way).


Another doozy is Fish Boy. About 5 years ago, I got set up with some guy. I don't even remember his name, but that's not really an important part of the story anyway. I don't really know much about him, so I decide I am NOT going to let him know where I live. Instead, we meet out for drinks one night at Gracie's (I miss that place!!) We have a great time. At the end of the night, he doesn't walk me to my car. Strange. But he's a West Coast boy. Clearly his mama didn't raise him right. We had such a fun time though, that I agreed to a second date. We again met out, this time at Mangia! Mangia! (I miss that place too!!) Again, a fun time was had by all. We actually shut down the restaurant. We walk outside, have the obligatory hug, and then he walks off to his car, leaving me to walk to the back of the restaurant alone. Not cool. I'm going down an alley. I could be raped. I could be killed. Stupid West Coast boy. But for some reason, I decided to give him another chance. This time, it was a movie and sushi. Because the movie theatre was conveniently located about 1/2 a mile from my house, I relented and let him pick me up. We head to Inakaya for sushi. We have fun. We laugh at people's inability to use chopsticks. I eat eel. We head back to my house and sit in his car, just talking. As I notice him leaning towards me, I think well, this IS date #3. I guess a kiss is in order. Next thing I know, he leans back from the kiss and this comes out of his mouth- Hmmmm- you taste like fish. Yep. Our first kiss and after feeding me sushi, he tells me I taste like fish. I immediately blacked out. I have no recollection of getting out of the car or into the house. And suffice it to say, I never heard from Fish Boy again.


There have been so many others. Break-ups while out of town for a wedding. The time I went to a hockey game for a date and came back out to discover that my date's car had been broken into. Luckily, I hadn't left anything in the car, so didn't affect me! The time I went to law school prom and came back out to discover that my date's car had been broken into. Luckily, my overnight bag in the back wasn't spotted, so didn't affect me! The Valentine's spent at Bubba and Buck's (a country line dancing bar, for those of you who didn't know Columbia back in the day). I'm sure there are countless others. And looking back, they still make me laugh!

Quotes

I've always been a sucker for a great quote. I think it stems back to my freshman year of college. We used to post quotes up and down the hallway. Admittedly, the majority of them were quotes that we had said. But they were great nonetheless. My all-time favorites being "Boys are dumb" and "Don't be a wet-head." Man- I loved my freshman hallmates! Fun (and funnier) girls couldn't be found! Even others from college added fabulous quotes to my list. "What do you mean, why do I drink? I'm part Viking. All the Vikings did was drink, rape and pillage. At least I'm not raping and pillaging." (Thanks Matt!)

As I've grown older, I've found myself drawn to quotes with a little more substance. Quotes from famous people. Quotes from novels. Quotes from movies. Things like:

"Being successful in life is not what really matters. Being significant in life is the core root of what matters."

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction." Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"A friend is one soul, existing in two bodies." Socrates

"If someone says something bad about you, live so noone believes it."

"Regrets are mistakes that you don't learn from."

"When Christ said your faith could move mountains, He didn't mean it was as simple as saying 'presto-chango!' He meant that faith that moves mountains always carries a pick." S. Rickly Christian

"I'm from the South. Flirting is part of my heritage." Blanche Devereux (ok, maybe that's not of too much substance, but Blanche speaks the truth!)

And my new favorite "Love is as love does."

Really makes you think about things. It's like that Extreme song- "More Than Words." When people say they love you, is it just words to them? Or do they truly SHOW you how they feel? I feel like people throw the word "love" around too easily. You hurt my feelings. I didn't mean to- I LOVE you. You are so much fun! You too- I LOVE hanging out with you! I LOVE pizza. I LOVE watching TV. I LOVE YOU. So just an observation, don't say it if you don't truly mean it. Because pizza's feelings are going to be hurt when you decide you don't love it anymore or that you've decided you actually love sushi!

Ants in my pants (well, not literally)

About 9 hours ago, I realized my cat (Lali) was milling around outside the kitchen, as though to tell me she was hungry. You know how kids have a potty dance to let you know they need to go? Well, my Lali-bug sometimes does the hungry prowl. Or so I thought. Off I go to the kitchen. I serve her food on a tray underneath a little table in my kitchen. The tray is currently not there, but that's a part of the story.

Anyway, I glance at her tray and see that there is quite a bit of food on it.

Odd. She usually only prowls when I forget to feed her on time. (I swear- I am a good mommy!!)

Then I notice something strange going on in my kitchen. There is a steady stream of ants going right under the cabinets and towards Lali's food tray! Not just towards it- they are on the freaking food!! My kitchen is just inside my front door, so I immediately looked in the foyer to see from where this stream of horrific-ness stemmed. Nope- they hadn't come from outside. Rather, the root of the problem was the inner door jam of my kitchen door. Next thing I know, I'm emptying out the tray of food, swatting at ants that have now made it to my countertop and closing the doors to the kitchen. Yeah, that's going to keep the ants in there alright. As I'm not big with the bugs, my first call is to the parentals. Who are conveniently in Chicago at the moment.

Mom- there are carpenter ants in my kitchen! (My immediate assumption because they were hanging out in my wooden door) Help! What do I do?

Well, are they big?

No.

Then they aren't carpenter ants. You probably need to get some sort of spray to kill them.

But where Mom? From some place like Wal-Mart? (I'm not kidding people. There's a reason why God created men and moms).

So off I go to Wal-Mart. In my undershirt and unwashed hair. Oddly enough, I got some glances. And I don't mean confused ones. Wal-Mart is a frightening place. I grab some ant killer and it's back to kick some ant butt. The spray down starts. Not an ant survives. Rivers of little dead ant bodies are running along my floor. Victory is mine!!

The downside is that I've moved the cat's food, I've still got the doors to the kitchen closed (again, like that's going to keep them in there), and I'm thoroughly convinced that ants are currently crawling all over my body. And Lali, bless her heart, is hiding out in the guest room!

The Shack

For those of you who don't know me, I am quite the avid reader. For those of you who do know me, I'm sure you aren't surprised by that statement. I always have a book in my purse. My library is extensive and there is no rhyme nor reason to it. I've got chick lit. Christian lit. Best sellers. Autobiographies. Hardbacks. Paperbacks. Thick books. Thin books. Books with great titles, but crappy plots. Books with crappy titles, but great plots. Even a few children's books thrown in for good measure. And I'm always looking for a new book to read.

Someone suggested a new book for me- "The Shack." So I bought it and it sat on my bookshelf for about 4 months. Finally, I picked it up. And began carrying it around in my purse for about a week. Eventually, I broke down and started reading it. Next thing I knew, I was underlining passages and dog-earring pages, something I've never done to a work of fiction. The main character Mack experiences a loss that can only be described as every parent's nightmare- the loss of a child. I have never experienced a loss to that degree. But we've all experienced things that deeply affected us. Those things can have long term effects on us. In both good ways and bad ways. But back to my reaction to this book.

What an amazing look at love, relationships, redemption, and God. I've never really felt so intrigued by a book. Not just because the plot was so fascinating. But because of my reaction to it. I don't care if you aren't a reader- you need to read this book! The author's way of describing things just made everything so, I don't even know how to explain it! Here's a little exerpt:

"Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their abililty to fly, not the other way around....[Humans], on the other hand, were created to be loved. So for you to live as if you were unloved is a limitation, not the other way around....Living unloved is like clipping a bird's wings and removing its ability to fly. Not something [God] want[s] for you....pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly. And if it's left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." Wow- do we ever truly allow ourselves to be loved, fully knowing that it was the reason we were created?! Why do we then run away from love? When love stares us in the face, why do we feel that we aren't deserving or we simply can't appreciate it?

Or this observation, from God, about sin: "I don't need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside. It's not my purpose to punish it; it's my joy to cure it." Kind of takes away that image of a vengeful God, and replaces it with the image of a daddy God. One who doesn't want us to hurt. But knows that we sometimes have to.

One that really got to me was this one, from God- "just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I needed it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors." Sometimes it's so hard to see why God would allow suffering and tragedies in our lives. Acknowledging that God simply is going to use whatever happens to us to show us His grace is such an interesting way to look at life.

But the most interesting was about male/female relationships. "From the first day we hid the woman within the man, so that at the right time we could remove her from within him. We didn't create man to live alone; she was purposed from the beginning. By taking her out of him, he birthed her in a sense. We created a circle of relationship, like our own, but for humans. She, out of him, and now all the males, including me, birthed through her, and all originating, or birthed, from God." I love that image, that woman was hidden within man so that he didn't need to be alone. God doesn't want us to be alone. No matter what difficulties we face, what tragedies confront us. We were not meant to be alone. Either physically or spiritually. God created in us a need for companionship. That need is two-fold. We need a physical companion, someone to walk with us hand-in-hand through all of what life has to offer. And we need a spiritually companion, a Papa (as the characters in the book refer to God) to walk with us hand-in-hand through all of what life has to offer. Both companions are there, for the good and the bad.

Even though I am constantly reading a new book, I really don't think I've read one that struck me to the extent that this one did. So please, read this book. Because Papa is especially fond of each of you. Always remember that. I know it's something that I will carry with me. God loves all of His children equally. And He is especially fond of me!

Day One

Well, I realized that I'm apparently very behind in the world. While I still refuse to Tweet, I guess I might as well start blogging. Who knows- maybe something super exciting will happen to me soon and I will be THRILLED to share it somewhere other than FB.

To be honest, I never really thought I'd be a blogger. But I do enjoy writing. It really gets out a lot of my emotions (even if I decide not to make myself completely vulnerable here on the interweb). I also don't really mind talking about myself. So it seems like blogging is the perfect combination, huh?

I was out at a movie with some of my friends tonight. The Ugly Truth, btw. Very funny, but I wouldn't suggest seeing it with anyone you'd be embarassed to pull a Salt 'N' Pepa with. (That'd be talking about sex, for those of you who aren't up on your 90's music). Anyway, one of them commented that she had just started blogging. And she's not the only one. Two of her sister-in-laws blog. Girls I'm in Junior Leauge with blog. People I don't even know personally blog. And SO many others blog. So perhaps it was time to join the club.

The problem is, what to blog about? I'm not a celebrity. I'm not a crazy shopper. I'm not a foodie. I'm not a mom with funny kids (although my cat has some strange days). I'm just me. So I guess that's what I'll be talking about. Just me. "Not So Plain Jane" (as a college friend used to call me). Let's see if this blogging leads me to any epiphanies or if it simply just offers me an outlet during the sometimes craziness that is my life. We'll see....